Burial practices

In some parts of Africa you are not allowed to talk at all while in the cemetery, save your comments about the length of the speeches for later.

In old days the meat cooked at funerals was unseasoned the idea being – hey this isn’t a festive occasion. Nowadays hey that’s the whole reason why we go to funerals lots of fresh meat- have you ever tasted freshly slaughtered meat? I swear this stuff you get at the butcheries and supermarkets is a curse.

Whenever people know of a funeral they would send over some form of food material to the bereaved families – of course, money is the gift of choice today.

The thing about it is that, in my part of Africa whenever you hear about a funeral you are supposed to tell as many people as you know, who you think might not have heard. You see to not attend a funeral is a BIG DEAL- so you don’t want some of your relatives saying, you know that family they never told us about the bereavement they only went by themselves. This practice has led to many problems.

Ther reason being that everyone and I mean everyone must attend the funeral and usually you talk of a crowd of not less than 400 people at, most funerals. ( IMAGINE – YOUR RELATIVES, IN THE EXTENDED FAMILY, YOUR MANY IN LAWS, YOUR WORK MATES, YOUR CHURCH MATES, YOUR SCHOOL MATES, YOUR CHILDERENS WORKMATES, SCHOOL MATES, CHURCHMATES, YOUR AUNTS WORKMATES, SCHOOL MATES, CHURCH MATES ETC I THINK YOU GET THE PICTURE – ALL BECAUSE TO NOT ATTEND THE FUNERAL OF SOMEONE YOU KNOW, WHTEHER ITS THROUGH SOMEONE WHO KNOWS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS SOMEONE IS CONSIDERED DISRESPECTFULL AND NOT SHOWING SUPPORT), The week before the funeral, daily evening prayers are held, sometimes in town if the person lived in town. This weeklong delay is apparently to allow all relatives from far and wide to attend the funeral – there we go again. And again for the same reasons most funerals are on weekends. I’m told that members of the IPCC (Intercostals apostolic church I think) only bury their members during the week – BIG UP TO THEM –

Everyone is complaining about the ridiculous costs of burying in Africa I mean, the costs of catering to 400 people is no joke. Not to mention the impact on productivity. In say a big company, how many funerals would you have to attend on any one weekend, what about in a big church, or a big family?

The night before an all night wake with singing – mainly Christian hymns - is held. Nowadays, people knock of at 12. I mean really here you’ve traveled 500kms into the bush to attend a funeral, you’re supposed to get back tomorrow in time for work and you’re expected to stay up all night too, com on.

I remember my grandfathers funeral I was dead tired did I mention that we don’t usually if ever hire catering companies – so me and my sisters were on our feet forever serving people, taking part in the cooking etc gosh its like you’re some kind of slave – you get comments like”is there any goat meat because I don’t it beef” ha ha ha , yep umm “I will only take samp, or pap or mabele”. Really, “can I have another glass of water “– puleez people.

The grave is dug by the men of the house – the coffin is placed in one of the huts and usually the wife an old lady will be there or the spouse or mother – funny I’ve never actually attended a funeral were the surviving member was male I just realized that – n-way they will usually be in that hut with a bunch of other old ladies covered in blankets. Everyone sits and sings outside the hut.

When you arrive you are supposed to greet everyone, its always confusing to me whether I’m supposed to kneel or a mere bob will suffice generally I prefer none of the above. After which the men have their domain in Botswana they are in charge of the meat from the slaughtering to the cooking – yeh they like that don’t they.

The women have their domain and they cook everything else – bread, fat cakes, tea, samp, palish, bogobe, cabbage etc

Have you ever tried cooking pap on a size 16 pot? You don’t want to know. Generally this is always a bad experience for me- I never really know how to make myself useful. I don’t know how to make the bread and generally cooking over a fire for 400 people just isn’t one of my specialties.

So what else? oh in the past men always had to be wearing jackets, but I guess how many people own those so that’s kind of archaic

Women however must still be covered on the head at all times, dukes are archaic for these purposes nowadays everyone has at least one designer hat or funky hat they use for funerals – of course if you are female trousers are a no no no no no – I cannot stress that enough, its out of the question.

This obsession about people attending funerals - I hear stories like. There was some guy in some village who every time there was a funeral he would drive his cars to the home to offer them for whatever. So the day he had a funeral at his home everyone drove their cars over and parked them and left.

Apparently some women who never used to eat whenever she attended funerals when it was her turn nobody ate the food at her funeral.

So apparently people do such things, there is some kind of blackmail in it if you don’t participate in other people’s funerals they won’t participate in yours. So you don’t really have a choice.

I have only one question would it be so bad if only 10 people attended a funeral and you didn’t have to cook for the whole world and all you did was to concentrate on mourning your dearly departed-I wonder.